House of Mirrors

When I was younger I loved going into the house of mirrors. It was funny seeing all the distorted versions of myself and my friends as we laughed and made funny faces in the mirrors.

Of course mirrors started becoming less of a friend when I was a teenager. Image was everything. Looking at myself with a fat face or a bubbly waist just didn't seem as funny anymore.

I was going to say as an adult that whole image thing changed, but that would be a lie. I still like to look my best. Who doesn't?



(Note:this is an exaggeration)

When you're sick, the mirror can be scary. Sometimes it feels like you're in a dream and that image you're looking at couldn't possibly be you.

Sarcoidosis is an immune disorder and an inflammatory disease so there are many mornings I wake up and feel like the stay-puff marshmallow man. I've gasped in the mirror as my puffy face glares back at me as I poke at my cheeks wondering what happened.




Other days I look in the mirror to find my face, chest, legs and arms are full of redness and bumps that weren't there moments ago since the disease also effects my skin.
This usually happens a day or two after being outside even on an overcast day.



Some meds I've taken would make my hair fall out and give me horrible peach fuzz on my face and back that I would frantically get rid of.


I hate the days when I'm feeling pretty good, but then I look in the mirror and then feel otherwise.

Having an invisible chronic illness like sarcoidosis means to other people you don't look sick  on the outside even when you are feeling so much pain, fatigue and ' just blah' (like when you have the flu).


I suppose if I didn't look in the mirror everyday, or just didn't care how I looked, then I WOULD look SICK.


However,  mirrors are still my friend. Like a REALLY honest friend that says "Girl...you need some makeup...and that hair?!.." Yeah, that kind of friend that you wish would lie at least once in a while. LOL



I think when you are sick with an illness like mine,   you fight hard to try to stay healthy.  You  do everything in your power to at least try to look your best so you can feel good..... and try to keep your former "normal" self.
(yeah, there is a lot of "trying", but it's better than giving up!)


I'm on short term disability right now. I'm sick, fatigued, and in too much pain to work. Heck, it takes most of my energy (and sometimes the entire day) to get showered, dressed and presentable, but I do it for me.


 I also do it for my husband. OK, fine. I'll be realistic.  When I'm feeling this sick- unless I have to leave the house, the only reason I get out of my pjs and showered is for him.
 I usually am in a panic an hour before he gets home so I can look somewhat decent. lol


He takes such good care of me, and I like to look my best for him. I know he loves me no matter how I look, but I sure do like him looking at me with a twinkle in his eye. That's good medicine in itself.