Abandoned

When I first was diagnosed with Sarcoidosis, I came cross blogs that were started and just stopped with no explanation. I wondered if they got better and had no time to blog, or the opposite- so bad that they couldn't exert energy on it- or even passed away.

I abandoned my blog. I haven't posted in ten months! 

I never intended on it,  but for several reasons I stopped posting.

1) I was trying not to think about my illness.  

I wanted to shut down my brain. I didn't want to think about being sick. I'm still not sure if it was because I was in denial or actually facing the fact that my life has changed forever. 

I was trying to live life as if it was "normal", well my "new" normal.  People with "normal" lives don't blog, because it's just life...normal with crazy ups and downs that normal people deal with every day.

OK, I must say it sounds like I DID succeed in shutting down my brain-or at least that my rational was "out of order". 

2) I had no energy to do much.

My "get up and go" was (and still is) very, very limited.

EVERYTHING takes time and SO MUCH of my little energy. 

 Heck, most days showering and getting back into Pajamas is a great accomplishment!  

Last December I started an aqua Arthritis class at my local Y.  That was scheduled twice a week for 45 minutes.  Between that and any doctor appointments-I had no energy left to even think straight.

One swim class would exhaust me for the rest of the day, AND the following full day, but it was so worth it.  I was learning how to properly use my time and energy. I also felt I had some control over my own health, pain relief, and socialization by making it to the classes when possible. 

3) I didn't want to be deemed as negative.

I want to use my blog for others to understand me a bit better, and mostly for other chronic illness suffers to feel like they weren't alone- but everything I wanted to blog was a downer. If I had a happy moment, it was soon followed by the payback of pain. 

No one said I was "complaining" but I know many friends and family were reading my blog, and I think I was happier with them thinking I was handling things well, and not knowing how it really is.

4) Life became more complicated.

I kept getting more and more issues and diagnoses on top of Sarcoidosis.

Add Fibromyalgia, double vision, small fiber neuropathy, menerie's disease, vertigo, adrenal insufficiency, endometrial ablation, migraines, muscle weakness, muscle spasms, lupus, and a ton of new meds to the mix.

It was more than complicated.  It was depressing. 

 

 

......So, there are the main reasons I stopped blogging the past 10 months. 

Honestly, I'm too tired to even think of writing anymore now.

I've been getting my Remicade treatment the past 2 1/2 hours, so I thought it would be a good time to make my comeback.

I can't promise how often I will blog, or that it will not seem negative.

I can promise that it will be true to what is in my heart at that time.

I pray that by continuing to blog that I may be able to help other sufferers know that they are not alone.

xo Amy